Songs of Deliverance
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm 32:7
This Journey has been a hard one to process. The emotional highs and lows and physical mountain tops and valleys have also been hard to climb. In a season where you need the most prayer, the tightest friendships, and encouragement, I found myself drawing more to the silence, and sinking back into a quiet rest of processing the grief of losing one baby, and the joy of growing another, all in the same pregnancy, all in the same body, all in the same matter of months.
There were even moments of being on the cliff of my Salvation. Feet planted by the rocky edges, looking down to the gravel beneath, wondering if I had enough courage to parachute down to the next stage of my journey without the Lord. But I just…couldn’t. If it wasn’t for my firm foundation in knowing who God was prior to this moment, I would have easily walked away with a hundred and one excuses. But it was my knowledge of God that had been built when I was planted in seasons of flourishing water, that would now lead me through this bare stream in the desert.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit” Jeremiah 17:7-8.
Scriptures like this were inwardly guiding me through the currents of my emotions, and Songs of Deliverance were surrounding me. Yes, Songs of Deliverance!
When I was younger, before I knew I was called to be a Worship Pastor, songs always went before me and scripture always grounded me. I remember at around 5 years old, writing my own songs about nature, looking up at the birds and being so amused at the songs they were singing. If it wasn't a song I was hearing in my head, it was one that I was creating.
Even throughout middle school, I would wake up singing worship songs, and I would lay down to sleep reciting scripture over and over again.
In Highschool I innocently tried to run away from music, pursuing sports and trying out for college soccer teams as any athlete would do. But low and behold, I would break my foot at my last HS Championship soccer game, and walk into a season of, not being able to walk at all!
It was during that time when I had a broken foot and was forced to step away from a passion I was so pursuing, where I first noticed the songs of deliverance being sung over me again, just as heavily and resounding as they did when I was a child.
It made me realize all along that maybe the songs never did stop singing over me, maybe it was I who got older, busy, passionate, and stopped noticing or listening.
That season of brokenness truly led me into a season of breakthrough, redirecting my college education and career to be in Music and Worship where I am living the fruits of today.
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm 32:7
At around 8 weeks into my pregnancy, “Peace” by Bethel Music was the first song that the Lord used to minister to me. I had heard it during our quarantine shutdown in Spring of 2020 and it became one of my go to’s for quiet time music.
I’ll never forget driving with my husband, Mason to our second ultrasound check up, and the speakers in the car projecting this exact song with the lyrics saying,
“Peace, holds me when im broken, sweet peace, that surpasses understanding. When the whole wide world is crashing down I fall to my knees, and breathe in, your peace.”
Those were the last words I had heard before walking into the appointment that day (yea, if you know my husband, he’s pretty quiet in the mornings lol).
But it was our second ultrasound check up and it was here where the layers to our journey would start to unravel.
The Dr. had pulled us into a little closed off office space to go over our ultrasound and she told us that one of our babies were smaller then the other. “Not to be alarmed though” the doctor stated, “This is very much normal during the beginning stages of growth.”
She talked more about twin pregancies and everything we should be aware of. How some babies don’t make it but with my age and health, she wasn’t too concerned.
The more she talked, the more I heard that Charlie Brown Teacher who just says “wah wah wah wah wah”. I tried my best to listen! But as she talked, another conversation was happening in my head. It was the repetitive sound of those lyrics to the song, that had just been played in the car ride to the Drs Office.
I could sense that the Holy Spirit was trying to get my attention and using the lyrics in this song, to tell me what to do next. “When the whole wide world is crashing down, I FALL TO MY KNEES, and BREATHE IN, your peace.”
As the Dr. talked, the lyrics got louder and louder in my head, and I got more and more confident in the safety of both of my babies.
I nodded my head, said thank you, and hurried to the car with Mason. He probably just wanted to get out of there to grab a bite to eat, but I was on a mission! I wanted to get home as fast as I could, to do just what I was was being prompted to do, Pray.
Next Blog: “Faith the size of a cherry!” (to be published on 11/22/20)
(More songs of deliverance through out my journey will be shared in upcoming blogs!)